There are three simple rules to life,

one, fuck with no one,

two, do not be fucked with,

there is no third rule,

I made it up because Three

is a neat number,

like the trinity of Hindu gods,

the Catholic trinity,

Gandhi’s Three monkeys,

Newton’s Three laws,

Three colours on traffic lights.

It’s an important number, Three is,

blessing at times,

also a crowd,

to be honest, I am just thinking about my Three exes,

and the triplets I would have had with each one,

two girl babies and one boy per ex,

and I would have had Three homes and Three cleverly coordinated sins to talk about

when I die and present my case

before an inquisitive trinity:

I would say, “I was also the third child

in a litter of nine, born of Three fathers

on the third day of the third month, alive only for Three quarters of my life , diligently

following the Three made up rules,

and up until now, nobody knew the third rule,

it’s the most important one actually, the cornerstone of a beautiful,

wondrous life worthy of the Three ears of the Almighty fucker,

beyond human comprehension,

it is…” (some stories deserve a retelling, some don’t, but they are all told at least once; the point being that we are all fucked anyway, God or no God, Three gods or fourteen, fucked, fucked, fucked….)

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